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MY FAMILIAR STRANGER

MY FAMILIAR STRANGER

by February 18, 2013 1 comment

 

A friend once told me that “sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve” At the point we were having this conversation, this was what she was busy doing, tugging her hair, pulling at her clothes, staring at her feet and at the same time, trying to keep her cool, but I noticed because she couldn’t help it, I had to tell her my observations and she said, “oh! I know it shows, because right now, my cheeks are turning red, and I’m searching for the right words inside my head, which my voice can’t seem to utter out”

She finally put herself together and uttered these words, so strange to think of, because it just got my whole attention all of a sudden. She said: My Familiar Stranger, in a world of beautiful imperfection” Woo! She completely lost me, for a moment, I thought to myself, a Familiar stranger? Beautiful Imperfection? How could these be? I was startled! But guess what, she interjected and said, I will explain further. Finally! Thank goodness, she was going to. Now this was her explanation.

“I am just like every other cute girl who has always wanted a prince charming boy who will sweep me off my feet the moment I set my eyes on him” I wanted more than just an ordinary love and relationship. As much as I wanted this kind of relationship, something in me kept stiff as possible by pushing away this feeling, however like we all know we can’t cheat nature. It was a cold Sunday evening; I was coming from my college library when I stumbled on this very cute, good looking gentle man, whoa! I was stunned, right in there I fell in love with his outer appearance, but I didn’t want to jinx it by my mere feelings alone as I was that your girl that is not moved by that, not knowing I was in for it.

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months and after 2months, I met him again at a departmental meeting few days to our summer break, at that point, I had a clearer view of him, he approached me, we got talking and I somewhat liked our conversation and there and there I perceived and judged we have virtually the same view about life, but still something in me wouldn’t just appreciate his cuteness. Anyway, during the summer break, he would call me as we exchanged numbers the other day before the break, we usually talk for prolong hours, ask each other how our day was and it graduated to asking more personal questions and I realized, that very tingly thing in me that kept pushing this guy away began to soften, I started liking him, always wanting more of our conversation, the more I try to stop this act of mine that I considered “silly” the more I got entangled with this guy, besides I forgot to mention his name to you. His name is Bruce. Bruce and I continued our friendship relationship, until last week in August when we had to come to school for our sessional registration. Bruce and I decided to hang out for a coffee just right after we finish our registration. We got down for a cup of coffee, and Bruce started the whole conversation, how he likes me, how he had always enjoyed my company, how he wants me to be more than just a friend. You know definitely know the rest of the story. At that point, I had already grew sweaty palms, my legs were shaking, no this is not true. I always wished to keep my friendship with Bruce on a very platonic basis, with no attachment, but at that point, my wishes weren’t coming through. Till today, I can’t really remember or fathom my respond to Bruce; all I knew was that I was in the bus heading back home. Later that day, Bruce called me and asked me in his ever sweet voice, Babe, you didn’t give me an answer to my request and he said the most overrated, overly used and wrongly used three words in the whole dictionary – I LOVE YOU. That night Bruce told me he loves me, whoa! I felt I was dreaming, not because I haven’t heard those words before but because I had confusion in my spirit, one was I was beginning to like this man and one thing still tells me that he was just the every other guy that comes and go.

Okay, to cut the long story short, I told Bruce, that we should take things slow and really meditate and digest if we were ready for the commitment. Bruce told me upfront he was ready and he had already had his own share of thoughts and meditation, at that point, I felt powerless and helpless. Fast forward to two week, we were already back in college, and Bruce and I was eager to start our new life together as I told him after so many talks, meditations, prayers and thoughts, that I wanna be his girlfriend. My best days in college started out when I started dating Bruce. He was more than a brother, he was closer than a friend, apart from this qualities, Bruce was very cute, I mean, when we walk down our classroom, I catch every other girl’s glances at my boyfriend, so I felt I was lucky to have a cute looking young, vibrant, purposeful, spirit filled, loving, adorable young man as my boyfriend. I was so happy, that at some point, I felt it was too good to be true. I became so overly attached to him, I lost all my social circles, because I found in him more than brotherhood, sisterhood or friendship.

Fast forward to the second semester of that same session when we began to date, we started having misunderstanding, which graduated to fight that was lasting for days but never a week. I was heartbroken, I didn’t like the status of my relationship with Bruce, I have grew to love him over the past months, I found it so hard to concentrate whenever we had fights or misunderstanding and the funniest part is anytime we have small word fights, he always sees me as the one at fault, I kept on saying am sorry and accepting the blames and faults until suddenly I grew tired of saying sorry and accepting blames all the time, not for any other reason, but for the fact that Bruce always use my weakness against me, We grew so close that he thinks am so dependent and he is so indispensable to me. He started making me feel like I was begging for his attention, I was still managing and coping with that as it is widely known that LOVE covereth all things, not until recently Bruce started treating me like an option in his life as so many instances proved this right, he stopped trying anymore, no more TLC principle again – (Tender, Love and care). I felt sorely depressed, I felt so much of affection for this guy, I have lost my social life in the past few months of dating him and that’s one of my regrets, I have thought God and Bruce and My family was all I needed to be an happy woman. I have had so much of expectations from Bruce and right now I hate myself for it

But right now, all I feel is all gone, I feel no excitement again for our relationship, as much as I want to make my relationship with Bruce to work, the same measure I want Bruce to change his attitudes towards me, but I realized that the more my anticipation towards change, the more my relationship deteriorates. And right now am at this point that I feel Bruce is just MY PERFECT FAMILIAR STRANGER, in a world full of beautiful Imperfection. And I don’t wanna break up with Bruce, because I know when two people in love break up, They can’t be friends as they have hurt each other, they can’t be enemies as they once loved each other and the only thing they can be, are the most familiar strangers

Tho’ I am trying to emotionally disentangle myself from him, I know it’ not easy but am trying because sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve. I deserve to be happy, not taken for granted and not treated like an option. So moving forward, I have decided to distant myself and give Bruce some space as I realized I was too attached to him. Right now, if Bruce or any man or (woman) in Bruce’s shoes, reading this right now should seat up and harken, “all I want you to do is put a little spice in our relationship, put up the TLC – (Tender, Love & Care) principle, be the guy I felt in love with couple of months ago. Try a little more like you have always did when we started dating, don’t give up on me or on our relationship and what we both share. Even when I don’t seem like it, give it a little push, because every girl wants a man who understands the pain behind her smile, a man who tells her she is not okay, even when she says she is, because at the long run, I don’t want to end up saying “it’s not your fault that you thought I was beautiful, but my fault for believing you””.

 

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  1. keykerr
    #1 keykerr 18 February, 2013, 14:13

    What a story!!! Pffffff!!! Falling in love is one thing and staying in love is another thing. Truely, most girls are going through this kind of experience, they feel so LOST, so EMPTY, wishing things had turned out differently. May God help us all cos dis r d kind of experiences that makes it so difficult for some people to LOVE AGAIN. Nice story though! Teaches me personally a lesson.

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