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dRaInEd – Part 3 (Concluding Part)

dRaInEd – Part 3 (Concluding Part)

by November 4, 2014 0 comments

Just in case you missed the part 1 and part 2, you can read it here and here

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After 3 weeks of frequent calls, hangout and dates, I realized that I was already getting along with my lover boy. I became INFATUATED by his love, at least better than before, WAY TO GO! He appreciated the fact that I was giving him attention. We had nothing together, no sex, no kisses, no romance or caress, in fact my hugs were rare and expensive to him, but on that fateful day of his birthday, he invited me over to his house, which I went. That day he proposed unofficially to me before his parents and I laughed over it, just to cover up. (I asked her why she did but she wouldn’t answer me, but after so much persuasion she replied). “Amongst other reasons include: My lover boy past and the knowledge of it by my immediate family, my own past and the missing heart beat for my first love were part of the reason why I laughed over the issue of marriage with him in the presence of his parents that day so as not to commit myself to anything”.

Little did I know that I was already doing that, Afterwards, at his house on his birthday, he invited me over to his bedroom and I went, we gisted, laughed and all of a sudden he came closer and closer and before I knew it, I was lying beside him, but we had no sex that day but we kissed, hugged, had some romance and caressing, we were almost having sex when I cautioned him and he stopped. This commitment started with my lover boy without the consent of my immediate family and the undying seed of love for my first love in my heart. I also wanted to have a boyfriend like every other girl, like every of my friend was the top priority of the motivation of this commitment with lover boy, knowing full well I didn’t love him the way he loved me. There was no mutuality of love, I didn’t reciprocate his love. At every little occasion we quarrel and I make him feel insecure. We continued on with the saggy relationship and so much commitment on both sides (i.e. kisses, hugs, caressing, romance, but NO SEX), but I knew deep down me that I don’t feel that much for him.

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During this saggy relationship, what surprised me was that my first love came back, hoping he could have me back. He asked me out again and before I knew it I was already falling for him, I didn’t even bother to ask him, if he was still in a relationship with his girlfriend, because I was also ready to have him back too. I still loved him like no other; the seed of love he planted in my heart for more than 4 years ago was still there. The night he asked me out again, I was just blushing, I didn’t even know when I fell into his arms and we started kissing each other. When I got back to my hostel, I was mad at myself, but I couldn’t help it, like I said, I still loved him. After a month of dating my first love again, and giving excuses to my lover boy since my relationship with him was saggy, who cares! I asked my first love, why he came back to me, and left his girlfriend, his replies was not straight to the point and he told me that he left her for some reasons which he consider as being personal to himself alone. I didn’t bother to ask more questions since I never wanted them both together at first, but after three months of lovely, romantic relationship with my first love, he broke up with me again. I don’t know till toady his reason for breaking up with me. I asked him severally but he would not answer me. He is back with his girlfriend again, the same one, he had all this while, but I still Love him and I don’t love my lover boy. I want to end my saggy relationship with the lover boy but he is not ready to let go, it’s like an obsession to me, for he claims he loves me, but I don’t love him. What do I do?

As for my first love, I haven’t forgiven him for breaking my heart twice and I haven’t forgiven myself to be so foolish, naïve, wicked and mean, but I have forgiven my cousin and my immediate family who happen to play integral part in the foundational collapses of my relationship and emotional  life. I don’t love anyone for now. I don’t want to fall into mistakes again. I have repented and aren’t a play girl anymore. I have learnt overtime too to forgive myself but still, I haven’t forgiven myself, how do I do it? How do I forgive myself? I haven’t forgiven my first love let alone forget. Don’t you think I have a problem? Other good guys are coming, asking me out for a serious relationship, what should I do?

I am in a serious confusion, in a dilemma, at a cross road right now, please help me (sobs!!!). I don’t want to continue with the saggy relationship with my lover boy because I don’t love him. The foundation of our love was not based on truth, real and genuine love. It was not based on God’s love either. Please help me! I want to forgive myself, forgive my first love and also forget about him completely. I want to love again; I want to have a serious relationship like every normal lady. I want to live happily ever after, what should I do, please help me (sobs!!!!)

(Uhmmmmm!!!!, Friends, have you read this with me, though I listened to her directly but assume as if you listened to her directly, as if you listened all along to her story, feeling her frustration, pain, sorrows, seeing her tears and seeing her uncertainty for the future. Please help by sending meaningful and lasting solutions to help my new found friend.)

(Thank you)

(Yours Truly)

(Anonymous)

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